Rage Against "The Machine" Leaving

The St. Louis Cardinals recently failed to re-sign Albert Pujols by his self-induced spring training deadline. They ludicrously offered a salary in the top 10 of MLB salaries but not in the top five. Albert created the deadline to keep the focus on baseball, not salary talk, during the season. He actually did the opposite. I don't know if that was just a mistake on his part or why the club offered so little. As a diehard and lifelong Cardinals fan, I do know this:

First off: I want them to re-sign Pujols NO MATTER WHAT. Give him $300 million. Give him ownership stake in the franchise. Give him the fucking Arch and half of the Mississippi River, goddammit. I DON'T CARE. They just have to re-sign the man. He has meant everything to Redbird Nation these past ten years, quickly progressing from haha-did-you-hear-the-name-of-that-new-rookie status to holy-shit-this-guy-is-legit-fucking-retire-Barry-Bonds-so-he-can-get-his-goddamn-MVP and there's-God-and-then-there's-Albert-and-not-necessarily-in-that-order acclaim.

Second: It probably won't be worth it. This guy is asking for a ten-year deal, which would end when he is 41 years old. In other words, 52 in Domincan Republic years. That's just a joke, but honestly it is a real possibility that this guy is older than he says he is. Look at Miguel Tejada. Or Akon. José Alberto matured mucho rápido, and for all GM John Mozeliak knows, he could end up with Chris Chelios at the end of this deal (Non-puckheads: Chris Chelios is really old. He went to college with my dad. He also just retired.). Even if Albert is only 31 — which is not exactly "only" in baseball years if you're not Barry Bonds or Big Papi, both of whom were on steroids — the money it would take to keep him would probably decimate the Cardinals' budget for the next decade. They already have Matt Holiday tied up, and with lotsa dollaz being spent on not-so-lotsa playaz, team depth would probably be compromised — and it's not like St. Louis has a great farm system to fall back on. In other words, the club would probably have to capitalize on its solid core in the next few years if it were to collect another World Series trophy in the '10s.



Third: I DON'T CARE. I would cope with having a subpar favorite team until I'm 29 (wow, that's depressing) if it meant Albert Pujols were on that team. Sure, I want to have a competitive hometown team, but there simply is no life without Albert. I could not bear the sight of seeing him in another jersey, Bartman forbid he go to the Cubs. If we don't re-sign him, I won't stop following the Cards; like I said, I completely understand from a baseball/financial perspective. But I pray to God I don't have to deal with that situation.

Speaking of praying, here's a little anecdote about ol' Albert. In 2005, we were in the NLCS with the Astros for the second-straight season. It was the last season for the Busch Stadium II, and we were down three games to one at Minute Maid Park. We were also down in the game, 4-2, with an inning to play. I couldn't take it anymore and went to bed. Then I started praying. I prayed to God that by some miracle, we could win this game — we didn't have to win the series. Just give us one more game at Busch Stadium, which was pretty much my favorite place in the world at the time. I prayed and I prayed and I cried and I prayed. I don't know if God heard me.

But Albert did.

This is just one of many reasons I simply cannot bear to see Albert leave. So like every other member of the Sea of Red, I will spend the entire season pleading for him to stay. God knows if he actually will.

I have to go pray now.