Buzzer Beaters [6/18/09]

last-second thoughts on recent sports ongoings

(just throwing 'em up there)

• The Cardinals better tie up Albert Pujols. They've been kinda cheap in recent years--and they can get away with it because of their extremely (dare I say over?) faithful fanbase. But those countless red shirts are starting to get a little ticked at the frugal ownership. If El Hombre plays in another uniform, the Redbirds could lose not only baseball's best player, but baseball's best fans.
  
• Free throws, free throws, free throws. You just gotta make 'em. Ask the 2007-8 Memphis Tigers. All season, they just couldn't hit from the charity stripe. But they said they'd make 'em when they needed to. Except they didn't. Kansas took advantage. And the championship. The latest victim: the Orlando Magic. Now, their free throw fumbles haven't been quite as well-documented, but they were just as costly. Down in the Finals 2-1, up by three points with about 10 seconds left, big man Dwight Howard just had to knock down one of two freebies to tie up the series. But sure enough, he clanked them both, and LA followed by hitting a three and winning in overtime. I just don't understand how pro athletes getting paid millions can't make free throws. I guess the punishment fits the crime, though. Orlando couldn't do the little things to make them champs. But look at the bright side, Dwight: with shoulders like yours, you can retire from hoops and become a freelance table.
• Why is the Stanley Cup in Sidney Crosby's pool? I'm sure he can find someone else to swim with. He's the hottest thing on ice, for Lord Stanley's sake. Maybe he thought it needed a bath. It's a nice thought, Sid, but c'mon, show the Cup some respect. At least put some water wings on it.
• Paging Brett Favre: please retire! He might have enough left in the tank to help the Vikings, but I'd rather see him quit than wear purple.

Alphabetical Awesomeness: A

All right, here it is. The first segment of the "Alphabetical Awesomeness" series, where I name the top bands/artists for each letter of the alphabet (in my opinion). Today, I start from the top. It's angry. It's abusive. It's ass-kicking. It's the letter A.

The Contestants:

AC/DC - This legendary Aussie rock group churns out hard rockin' tunes by the dozen. Unfortunately, they all sound alike: guitar intro, innuendo-filled verses, chorus (consists of repeating the title of the song over and over), shredtastic solo, some more sexually charged verses, guitar outro.

Aerosmith - Another illustrious rock band. More substantial than AC/DC, yet still rock gods, Steven Tyler and Co. use their slightly bluesy sound to produce timeless hits such as "Dream On," "Sweet Emotion" and "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing." They also teamed up with Run DMC in the groundbreaking "Walk This Way" duet.

AFI - Emo and catchy make a sweet combination.

Against Me! - For some reason, they have a chip on their shoulder, and I'm glad they do. As much as a Killers worshipper I am, "Spaceman" seems to have ripped from AM!'s "Thrash Unreal" and I'm not so sure The Killers did it better.

The All-American Rejects - They started off as a lovable pop rock band, begging to be swooned over by teenagers--and not just the girls. I'll admit, AAR was my favorite band in middle school. They got popular, they got overplayed, they got poppy. And then "Gives You Hell" was born. I'm sorry, but I'll stick with "Swing, Swing," thanks.

Alicia Keys - What can I say? I like "No One."

All Time Low - They seem to be the next AAR. They haven't had a real superhit yet, but they are already loved by punks and mainstream music misers alike. And why not? They're alternative, yet sing-alongable.

The Allman Brothers Band - The definition of Southern Rock, really. That's all I need to say.

Amy Winehouse - Sure, she may have (pardon the sports term) "off-field" issues, but behind the mic, she's got it. Besides, if she was a goody two shoes, she probably never would have written a song about rehab.

Arcade Fire - Think Decemberists, but a little less creepy. This odd bunch just has a wonderful sound.

Arctic Monkeys - Brit Rock at its very best. It's bloody wicked.

Aretha Franklin - Spoilers: this famous soul woman isn't in my Top 5. Sorry for the lack of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Audioslave - Tom Morrelo + Chris Cornell = a leading 21st century rock band.

Avenged Sevenfold - Metal, yet radio-friendly, this frightening group will wet your pants while pleasing your ears.

Dark Horses: Abba, Adam Sandler, A Day to Remember, After Midnight Project, A-Ha, Alice Cooper, Alice In Chains, Alison Krauss, All That Remains, America, Anberlin, Angels & Airwaves, The Answer, The Apples in Stereo, April March, Ashanti, Asher Roth, Atreyu, Avril Lavigne, Awesome New Republic

The Winners:

5. Amy Winehouse - Big-ass voice outweighs big-ass eyelashes.

4. The All-American Rejects - Okay, guilty pleasure. What can I say? It's my dirty little secret.

3. Arctic Monkeys - Driving beats, great riffs, fun vocals. What's not to love?

2. Arcade Fire - They're deliciously indie and their album, "Funeral" is truly a work of art.

1. Aerosmith - What makes this band a classic? Maybe its the solos, the epic-ness, the big-mouthed lead vocals... Whatever it is, they just know how to write a great rock song.

Close, but no cigar: Against Me! - I don't know who's against them, but it sure isn't me.

[Don't like my picks? Comment away...]

BLOGGER'S NOTE: IN RETROSPECT, ARCADE FIRE AND ARCTIC MONKEYS DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE DEFINITELY BEATEN OUT AEROSMITH, NOW THAT I AM INTO THEM MORE. AND ANIMAL COLLECTIVE WOULD PROBABLY NOW BE COMPETING WITH ARCADE FIRE FOR THE TOP SPOT. SO HERE'S THEIR SUMMARY.

Write in: Animal Collective - When I first heard everyone swooning over "Merriweather Post Pavilion" I thought they were all crazy. MPP was totally WTF for me for about 10 listens. And then it clicked. Now I don't know how I ever disliked this album. I don't think my musical palate can take anything weirder than Animal Collective, but that's okay. They are pretty much the greatest acquired taste I've ever acquired or tasted.

MOVIE YOU NEED TO SEE: The Hangover

MOVIE I NEED TO SEE: I Love You, Man