Sit on your ass and watch Bron Bron

I was watching the first game of the NBA Finals last night with my dad. The third quarter was ending, and the Heat had the ball with a small lead and a quickly evaporating clock. As the buzzer rang, LeBron James chucked up an off-kilter three, resulting in a violent, almost angry swish.

"How did I know he was going to make that?" I asked my dad after we both chuckled at James' ridiculous swag level. 

Simply put, LeBron James is an absolute joy to watch, especially in his current playoff mode. He makes shots that just should not be made. (Sure, so does Dirk, but LeBron looks way less silly doing it.) He's a force to be reckoned with when rebounding, passing or defending, not to mention at the back end of an alley-oop. He's clearly claimed the status as best player in the league (you don't hear that Kobe/LeBron debate anymore), and he only seems to be getting better.

So why do we all hate this guy?

Three reasons:

1) The Decision - I've already made my stance on this issue known: The Decision (note the capital "D") was an absolute debacle and the obvious origin of the Bron Bron hatred. However, the actual decision to go to Miami was far from reprehensible. Nonetheless, the whole thing came off horribly.

2) He's good - Haters gon' hate. And when the hatee continues to succeed, haters gon' hate even more.

3) He knows he's good - The Decision was kind of LeBron saying, "I'm great. I know it. I know you know it. And now you know that I know you know it." It was kind of like Quentin Tarantino calling Inglourious Basterds his "masterpiece" through Brad Pitt's character or Kanye West putting the word "beautiful" in the title of his beautiful album. They're all right: LeBron's a stud and Inglourious Basterds and My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy were both dope. That doesn't mean we had to be told so.

These are the reasons America now hates LeBron, but are they justifications? Is being a dick— in really only one major instance, mind you — a reason to hate a otherwise clean guy? He hasn't had a rape charge like Kobe. He hasn't even had the gambling issues like Michael (Hell, MJ's even a little bit of a dick. Just look at that Hitler 'stache.). Not to mention the STDs of Magic, but we won't go there. Is an overbearing example of narcissism really enough to condemn this guy?

Did we not want Lebron to be the next Jordan? If not, why did we place all the hype in the world on his shoulders when he was in high school? Sure, he hasn't won a ring yet, but he took a crappy franchise to the Finals, he's put up the individual numbers, and he looks like he'll be able to grab himself a handful of rings in Miami if all goes well. And all has gone well so far in South Beach. As many struggles as the team faced in the first year of the Big Three, they've done all that mattered: make the playoffs and win in the playoffs. LeBron (and co.) has done what was expected.

But apparently that's not enough. LeBron still appears to have a Palin-esque approval rating, getting booed like a mofo at every road game. I say, let's give the guy a break. He deserved some flack for the whole beginning-of-year ordeal, but he's more than gotten past that now.

Being a St. Louis resident, my go-to NBA squad is the Bulls, partly because I worshipped MJ as a little kid and partly because I love the city of Chicago but hate every other team that plays there (Cubs are Cardinals' rivals, Bears are Packers' rivals, Blackhawks are Blues' rivals, White Sox... have Ozzie Guillen?). So I actually was rooting pretty hard against the Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals, considering I once again had a stake in the NBA playoffs. Yet, watching the Finals I find it hard to hate on LeBron too much: He's just too fun to watch. I say we embrace Bron Bron. Why deny ourselves the pleasure of enjoying one of sports' greatest current treasures? I'm sure the nation will eventually come around. I can't think of a player who was universally considered "the best" and almost universally hated for an extended period of time (save Barry Bonds). But in the meantime, here's some other people in the Heat organization towards whom you can aim your hatred:

Chris Bosh - The dude is actually a living, breathing dinosaur (in appearance).

Juwan Howard - The dude is actually a living, breathing dinosaur (in age).

Mario Chalmers  - He went to Kansas, and if that's not enough for you (which it should be), he honest-to-God has never stepped foot inside the 3-point line.

Mike Miller - A picture's worth a thousand douchebags.

Mike Bibby - He looks like Mini-Me.

Pat Riley - This slimeball thinks it's okay to just hang his coaches by a string and step in if he feels like it. Not cool. Also, that hair (like I said, slimeball).

Eric Spoelstra - What a spineless, worthless, piece-of-shit coach. "Hey, Eric. Here's three bazookas and a machete. The other teams will be playing with chopsticks and dental floss. Don't fuck it up."

Dwyane Wade - Never mind, I got nothin'. Even with that wretched spelling...