Why? Because the Packers are going to Super Bowl XLV, and I love to do ridiculous challenges for no apparent reason (milk-gallon challenge, saltine challenge while driving, etc.). So this children's medium jersey that I got for Christmas circa 1996 is staying on until the completion of the big game.
That's why I'm a better sports fan than you: I'm sacrificing cleanliness, friends, sex (Just kidding, I usually have sex with my jersey on anyway. Dick pics work, people.), swimming, and sun-tanning for the next two weeks. And the Packers are my SECOND-FAVORITE TEAM. The Rams are actually my favorite NFL team.
My dad is from Wisconsin, so in the first four-ish years of my life when the Rams were still in Los Angeles and the Cardinals were long gone, I was brain-washed as a cheesehead. And it sure helped that when the Rams came to St. Louis, they sucked with the suckiness of 1000 Orecks (fuck you, Tony Banks) while the Packers reached back-to-back Super Bowls. Yet, when they play, I have to pull for my hometown squad. So, I'm suffering through mesh-induced nipple chafings for 14 days for my second-favorite team. That's like paying for dinner when you go out with your second-favorite girlfriend. (Sorry, that's a ridiculous comparison. Why the hell would you ever pay for your girlfriend?)
And let me tell you what, I SMELL GREAT. Sure I showered with Scope and dried off with cologne, but I've yet to hear any complaints (maybe because I haven't left my room...) — and I just ran two miles, did an ab workout, and played racquetball in this enduring piece of childhood.
That's why I'm a better sports fan than you. As a friend pointed out, I'm quite literally putting the team on my back. And you're not.
At least, for the sake of your sanity, hygiene, friends, nostrils, and sun-tanning schedule, I hope you're not. GO PACK GO.
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